by: Petra Najafee, Registered Psychotherapist

Back to school time can be both a time of excitement and of anxiety. Many families are already feeling the stress level in the house rise. Here are some tips to help you through.

For the little ones starting school for the first time, it’s a new adventure that can be exciting and scary. If your kindergartener is able to articulate how they’re feeling about the first few days, let them talk about it. You can also open up the conversation by reading some books about starting school. You can try the Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn or Franklin Goes to School by Paulette Bourgeois and Brenda Clarke. Your local librarian will be able to offer other suggestions. And if your child is not able to articulate what they’re going through, they might still be feeling it. Look for signs like yelling, crying, obstinance, or withdrawal. These may be signs that your child is feeling the stress. In talking to your child, you don’t need to tell them that “There’s nothing to worry about. School is awesome!” Let them know that it is perfectly normal to be a bit nervous about doing something new. You can also let them know that once kids get used to going to school, they usually think kindergarten is pretty fun. Some kids need to know what to expect in order to ease their anxieties. Talk to them about their daily routine and help them understand that soon it won’t all feel so new.

And for the grownups…it is perfectly normal to be nervous about sending your child somewhere new so they can do something new. It’s also perfectly normal to feel a sense of sadness, a sense of loss. But your child doesn’t need to know this. If you’re feeling anxious or weepy, your child will pick up on it. Take some time to process these feelings with your partner, your friend, your parents so that you’re feeling as ready as possible to support your child through these first weeks of school. Just about anybody who has worked with young children will tell you that the best thing you can do is give your child a hug and a kiss and let them walk on in to that school. A prolonged goodbye is not going to make it better for either one of you. Let them know that you think they can handle it.

Oh! And don’t be surprised if your child rocks it for the first few days and then has a total meltdown. This is also perfectly normal. Sometimes it takes a few days for them to realize that being away from mom and dad for the whole day is a long term situation. Again, a cuddle, let them know they can handle it and maybe let them know that the weekend is coming up and then you’ll have a couple of days together.

And for the older ones….their stress levels are probably going up too. Let them talk it out with you. Let them know that you’re willing to listen. For some, this will be enough. Other kids might need your support in coming up with strategies to deal with certain situations that they are anticipating or for dealing with stress overall. Remember, they’re trying to navigate academics, social dynamics, teacher expectations. It can be a lot! You can try using some mindfulness apps together like Headspace or Calm. As your children get older, they will be able to tell you what they need and what kind of support they need. Listen to them. Because sometimes what they need is different from what you think they need.

In the end, it’s about letting your children know that you’re in this together. And no matter what school brings their way, you will help them through.